Shinpachi (Kamushin) drabbles
by Restartinghere
Summary: Random Shimura Shinpachi drabbles mostly containing Kamushin because this ship deserves more love. Rated M for possible smut.
1. Who is Kamui in love with

A/N: You've been warned.

...Typed that message above a year ago, and have no idea what it means. I only finished half of this before getting into writers block and dropped Gintama for a bit, and now I only have a faint idea of the characters! Who are all these people besides the ones that are more relevant to the main characters?! What's Kamui's personality?! Why does Sorachi-sama make it extremely difficult to write his characters?! Is it because they aren't cardboards with slight interesting backgrounds like the Yugioh characters?! Is it because romance is always a joke and we only see the tragedy of it?! Like all the romantic couples are in tragedies?! Someone's always dead! Otose's husband is dead! Umibouzo's wife is dead! Isaburo's wife is dead! Hijikata's love interest is dead! Pandemonium is dead! That man who makes fireworks is about to lose his dying old wife! The man with the scissor hand's wife is dead! Woman with the gintoki-looking child's husband is dead! Rotten Maizo's consort died!

I'm not surprised that the manga didn't take a Final Fantasy route since apparently someone's gotta die!

So you know what?! OOC AU ROUTE!

._._._.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!" Kagura cried out after what Abuto just told the Yorozuya. Shinpachi and Gintoki were speechless compared to her.

Abuto formed a little sweat drop. "Ah, it's troublesome but it's true. Captain is in love, and usually I wouldn't take the trouble of coming here just to tell you that, but, ah, well..." the vice captain told them all about how Kamui wasn't eating as much, his mind had been wandering elsewhere, and he's not even that into the bloodshed of battles recently. There were times he did seem his old self, but these habits were very worrisome for the crew. They were especially freaked out when his hair antenna would form into a heart when he thought about that special someone.

"It is very odd." Shinpachi said. "Kamui-san stated that he's not into women or alcohol, but I guess not even someone like him could resist falling in love with someone."

"WHO IS SHE?! HOW DID SHE DO IT?! DID SHE USE A LOVE POTION! THAT MUST BE IT! BAKA NIICHAN ALWAYS ATE A LOT OF TASTY FOOD OUT IN SPACE! HE WAS BOUND TO GET DRUGGED! TELL ME HOW IT TASTED LIKE! DID IT TAKE LIKE EGGS OVER RICE?!"

"WHY WOULD A LOVE POTION TASTE LIKE THAT?! AND WHAT ARE YOU MORE MAD ABOUT?!" Shinpachi yelled at the enraged Kagura.

"That baka niichan is too stupid to fall in love. There's no way he fell for someone." Kagura pointed out with a deadpan expression. "The planet you must've been on must've detached his hair follicles from his brain."

Abuto answered, "The answer is gonna surprise you: It's here."

"Eh?" The yorozuya cocked their heads in confusion.

"Here. Earth. I'm afraid the vice captain fell in love with an Earthling, and as far as I know, he's only met your friends."

"EEEEEEH?!"

"Wa-wait a minute!" Shinpachi cried out. "Are you saying it's someone in Edo?!"

"That's why I came to you guys." Abuto was obviously very uncomfortable but he kept staying on subject, "The last time I tried to bring up the subject, he'd just give me this confused baby stare and even if I explain it to him, he goes off silently thinking to himself. We're not asking for you guys to find the person and hook them up. I just need you to find them and let them reject him gently. Captain might not even register it as a rejection since he's a complete numbskull when it comes to these kind of things, but at least it's a start to get him to his old self again."

"But what if the other person likes Kamui-san back." Shinpachi inquired, getting a punch from Kagura.

"And who would like him, aru! Baka niichan is nothing but a no-good bastard who hasn't written back to any of my letters!"

"IS THAT WHAT THIS REALLY IS ABOUT?!"

"Are we getting paid for this?" Gintoki just asked right off the bat.

Abuto slapped three wads of cash that they could've sworn sounded like 5 million yen for each of them. "I'll double for whoever finds the person."

"HOOOOH!" All three of them were off, but they stopped by the bank first to put half of it into their savings while they used the next half to go shopping, eating at a buffet, watch a movie and hit the amusement park before they finally got down to business the next day.

Of course, Abuto would pay the person who got her first, but they figured that this challenge was too difficult that they agreed that this extra pay check would be added to their emergency funds; something that Shinpachi, who was the most trustworthy with money, kept well secured.

"Someone who Kamui-san would like," Shinpachi started with a piece of paper and pencil. "From what Abuto-san told us, she's someone among our friends, so it's best to list down the women we know who range in their teens to thirties at least."

The teen wrote the names alphabetically:

1) Chin Pirako (That creepy red-eyed red-head who had daddy issues with Otose's childhood friend who had a massive crush on her)

2) Gedoumaru (That demon girl who loves Ketsuno Ana and smashed Gin's balls)

3) Hinowa

4) Ikeda Asaemon (That reaper girl who cuts really well)

5) Kijima Matako (That very annoying Takasugi fangirl)

6) Murata Tetsuko (The blacksmith)

7) Mutsu

8) Nobume

9) Sarutobi

10) Tama

11) Tsukuyo

12) Soyo

13) Yagyuu Kyuubei

"Hey, hey, what's with this list, aru? Stupid brother hadn't met a majority of these girls, aru." Kagura pointed out, annoyed.

Gintoki explained, "It's fanfiction, and with a guy like your brother, every ship is crack, so we can make up whatever scenario that gave them the chance to meet and fall in love like dumb teenagers."

"But a majority of these girls wouldn't fall in love like dumb teenagers."

"It's fanfiction! Fanfiction, I said. Everyone will turn out OOC in the end, so let's just go for the ride."

Kagura grumbled, "I still don't like it. Stupid brother is not good enough for any us Earth girls."

Shinpachi pointed out, "But look at it this way, Kagura-chan, if your brother does marry someone, the two of you will become sisters."

"I don't want sisters who touched my brother's dirty balls. He even licks blood off his enemies and friends. He must be full of diseases, and he'll just spread them."

"You really hate your brother in this fanfiction, huh." Shinpachi just moved on or else they'll get nowhere. "I listed these girls because they have made multiple appearances, or had grand arcs centered around them. I also think Kamui would be interested in a strong fighter."

"So why isn't Anego in the list?"

"NO WAY! There's no way I'll accept that sadistic pirate as my brother-in-law!"

"Ah, he's shown his true colors, aru."

"Besides," Shinpachi reasoned, "Kamui-san loves food, and we all know what anue-e does to anything she tries to cook. Although there was that Eromes incident episode," The megane bitterly remembered, "that showed that she can prepare food, I don't think Kamui-san wants to date someone who can destroy the thing he loves. You wouldn't want that either, right, Kagura-chan?"

The glutton couldn't deny that.

"Is Hinowa really warranted to be in the list?" Gintoki inquired while picking his nose. "She's got her good points, but I think the stupid pirate would prefer someone more warrior-like."

"Oh, I just added her because I considered her to be a strong woman who actually met Kamui, which she is, but I guess you're right." Shinpachi crossed off her name. "And I suppose Soyo-san shouldn't be in the list either for the same reasons." He crossed off her name, too.

"Mmm. Tsetsuko-chan is strong and pretty and create samurai swords, but she's still too random, aru." Kagura pointed out, so Shinpachi crossed her name out.

Gintoki looked through the names a bit more seriously, "That reaper girl (Asaemon) is too busy being the head of her clan, so let's not bother imagining a fake scenario for them."

Shinpachi thought about it for a moment, "Asaemon-san is a pretty powerful swordsman who is the only one who knows Kumoarai, and she is quite the beauty with a diligent and loving demeanor for what she does. She seemed like a pretty good choice for Kamui, but you're right that she is too busy being the head of the Ikeda clan. Plus, the idea of having a half-yato knowing such a deadly technique is terrifying."

Everyone silently agreed as Shinpachi crossed her name out, and then made a new list, he stopped at Sarutobi's name, and didn't add it since that pairing would be too crack to handle.

New list:

1) Chin Pirako

2) Gedoumaru

3) Kijima Matako

4) Mutsu

5) Nobume

6) Tama

7) Tsukuyo

"That leaves us with seven."

"Erase that Matako-bitch, aru." Kagura ordered, and Shinpachi didn't hesitate.

The three of them looked through the names closely, thinking of why each would fit.

"Mutsu-san is a yato, but she doesn't actually engage in physical combat much." Shinpachi pointed out. "I think Kamui-san would prefer someone who is more active in that way." He crossed that name.

"Tama-chan can fight, but she's not really the fighting type, right, aru?" Kagura inquired, which the two agreed, crossing her name out.

"That leaves Pirako-chan, Gedoumaru-san, Nobume-san and Tsukuyo-san."

"One seem to not be like the others." Gintoki pointed out.

"Hm?" Kagura blinked, not seeing the difference between the four women.

Shinpachi inspected the list a little more closely. "Now that you say that, three of these women are disturbingly dangerous and sadistic with red eyes and a soft side to them."

Gintoki and Shinpachi realized that they made a list of women similar to Kamui and would be too dangerous to approach with this subject in mind. Shinpachi reluctantly crosses off Tsukuyo's name and wondered if the extra cash was worth it.

They went over it with Abuto via video call at an internet cafe. The man looked at the sent names with their photos.

"Oh, so these are the three earthlings you think caught the captain's heart?"

Shinpachi and Gintoki had grave faces. "Yes."

"Mmmm. They do share something in common with the captain. Have you talked to them about this?"

"No."

"Huuuh? Then get to it. I just came back from a vacation but I'll let captain consider visiting Earth soon. See ya later."

"Bye."

And thus they had to face the mess for the sake of money. They decided that the easiest way to get all three girls to come together was having a girl's day with Kagura. The teen didn't want to do something like that for a messed up reason, but Shinpachi also pointed out that there was a festival soon, and it would be more fun to invite Gedoumaru (scarily) and Pirako over for such an event. The yato still didn't like it, but she missed hanging out with her other friends.

They then set out to invite the others. Gintoki took on Gedoumaru because that meant seeing Ketsuno Ana, Kagura knew how to contact Nobume, and Shinpachi simply went to Otose to ask her to contact Jiroucho to tell Pirako about the festival.

In a matter of days, the three girls and Kamui arrived at Yorozuya where they were served tea and snacks. Kagura was frowning the whole time, glaring at her brother who was just munching on the snacks. Gintoki and Shinpachi were hiding in the kitchen, inspecting them, but they were just eating and talking about the different festivals they've been to.

"So we made it this far, but it looks like Kamui-san isn't showing an interest in one of them specifically. But it looks like he's enjoying himself."

"Any man would enjoy the company of three cute girls even if one of them is a thousand years old with no womanly features." Gintoki got a much deserved club to the face. Not because Gedoumaru heard him, but she definitely sensed his insult.

"I wonder if this will work. Maybe Kamui-san isn't the type to show his affection to the one he likes, if he's not being obvious about it as much as Abuto said he has been doing recently."

"A man can act cool around the woman he prefers and play hard-to-catch, but the one thing they truly can't resist is taking the festival as an opportunity to have a date."

"And like I said before, does Kamui understand the concept of a 'date'. It seems in yato culture that romance isn't a huge thing, so they don't have customs for those sort of things. Okita-san had an especially hard time trying to get Kagura to understand what's special when they're together."

"Who's having a hard time?"

"AAAAH! Okita-san!" Shinpachi flung back.

It bought everyone's attention, which Sougo didn't mind. "Oi, China-girl, I'm here to pick you up for the festival."

"Eh? Why? I'm going out with my friends and stupid big brother, aru."

"They can come, too, but you have to walk beside me."

"I don't wanna walk beside a Super S like you."

"Fine. I won't buy you the new sukonbu addition being sold."

"Uuuuugh! Fine!" Kagura and the others followed them to the festival.

Everyone went around, having fun by looking at the stuff around them. Gedoumaru was tempted to test things out, but Shinpachi and Gintoki were able to convince her not to since that could ruin the festival, which would upset Ketsuno Ana.

The two watched Kamui carefully who was just interested in trying out the different food from the different stands, and even played some games with the girls. They were so concentrated on them that Sougo and Kagura soon split from the group. Gintoki ran off to find them, being the overprotective father he was. Shinpachi sighed at his attitude, and continued following Kamui and the girls until Abuto showed up, finally done with his work.

"My, looks like the captain is having fun. Any luck in finding out who he likes?"

Shinpachi shook his head. "He appears to be having fun with all three of them. I guess when you have four sadistic warriors together, they can have fun. Though I had to stop them a few times from causing a panic."

"Sorry I gave you a job that's more trouble than it's worth."

"Ah, no! No! I'm more than happy to help. It would be nice that Kamui-san could find someone to be happy with. I actually hope he doesn't get rejected because it might become awkward for him to visit Earth. I know that when I'm rejected, I'll respect their choice, but I'd like to hide in space until most of my feelings are out of my system."

"I thought about that, too, but the crew needs their boss to focus on the job so rejected or not, we just want him to stop being stuck in the mud."

"I wonder if he can do that with a broken heart if he's rejected. Being the strongest or not, anyone's weak to rejection, especially since these must be new emotions for him."

"Good point. He might turn into a workaholic if that happens. I guess I haven't really thought about it. The pressure of the crew made me act without considering the captain's own feelings since he ever had any for his family."

"Then I guess for Kamui-san's sake, it's best that today is just a day for him to have fun."

"Ah, I guess so."

The two smiled at each other, while something totally comedic was happening between Gintoki, Kagura and the Shinsengumi in the background. They also didn't realize that Kamui had been staring at them.

"You should just confess to him." Gedoumaru told him, knowing exactly how he's feeling as someone who watched humans for eons. "He's soft headed at times, but I can tell he's really affectionate of you."

"Are we talking about the shitty megane over there?" Pirako inquired, still anti-Shinpachi a bit. "I knew he was gay the first time I met him."

"He isn't?" Nobume inquired. She noticed Shinpachi's affection for Otsuu, but liking female pop stars was nothing foreign for a gay man.

"Excuse me, what are you talking about?" Kamui tried to play it off, but the girls knew.

Gedoumaru wisely advised, "Confessing isn't an easy thing to do since you're letting down your walls, but if you don't take the chance now, he'll be surely taken away since that virgin will respond to anyone's romantic affection, even for an old-looking dude like your vice-captain if his heart is swept away."

"Yeah, he's definitely the type." Pirako agreed. "Didn't he fall in love with that berserk-looking cockroach just by a kiss. He's hopeless! Don't you agree, Nobume-chan?"

The officer just munched on her donuts. The three girls then just gave their good lucks before leaving Kamui to go after the megane before he's taken.

Kamui watched them go with slight irritation. He then looked back to Shinpachi who was laughing along with Abuto, but then those brown eyes behind the glasses looked his way, and they were immediately locked on him. Shinpachi quickly walked over to him, "Kamui-san, where did the others go?" The megane looked around, and then noticed that Abuto wasn't around either. "Huh? Where did..."

"Oh, they just went to the girl's restroom. It's really interesting how women have to band together to go somewhere to shit."

"Always frank like usual." Shinpachi saw pros and cons for that but became tolerant all around. "I'm glad to see that you're having fun. I was worried that one of you wouldn't get along, but it looks like Kamui-san is making more friends."

"Friends?" That was an odd word to use for him.

"Is that not the right word?" Shinpachi gave him a little knowing, pitying look. "They are Kagura-chan's friends, but that doesn't mean they can't be yours, too. All four of you have a lot in common, so you can relate and talk about a lot of things you haven't shared before."

"I don't see the point of doing unnecessary things like those."

"I guess you wouldn't." Shinpachi didn't bother to explain what should be felt and done naturally. "Anyway, we haven't been able to talk. How have you been, Kamui-san?"

Kamui answered that he's been well, though listed out his many annoyed encounters with aliens that he beat the living shit out of with a smile. Shinpachi anime sweat-dropped at the man's never ending violent behavior, though he was attentive to listening how colorful and vast space was. Shinpachi also couldn't help laughing when Kamui told him embarrassing stories about Abuto, his crew, and the people he met. Shinpachi told him more embarrassing and strange stories he had with the yorozuya and the others. Kamui listened while also asking questions that Shinpachi happily answered.

The two soon realized that the girls have been gone for quite awhile, but they figured that they might be with Kagura and the others. Shinpachi lost sight of the job since he enjoyed speaking with Kamui. Though the man could be either naive or heartless with his reactions and words, there was a glimpse of kindness and normalcy in him that peaked the megane's interest.

The two continued their conversation as they checked out more of the booths together. Kamui would overdo his behavior to get a hilarious straight-man reaction from the poor samurai. Shinpachi would get back at him by playing with his Earth-naivety through small pranks and teases. Kamui would then retaliate by saying something mean or threaten him with harm, but Shinpachi knew he didn't really mean it. But when he seemed to, Shinpachi would apologize profusely. Kamui would accept it with a not so convincing smile, though Shinpachi could've sworn the yato was laughing behind that smile.

The day quickly turned into night, and the two had left the festival.

Shinpachi thought that he could use this opportunity of familiarity to get right back on track with his job to figure out who Kamui liked out of curiosity. But he wasn't sure how to bridge the conversation. He didn't want Abuto to get in trouble, or end up getting nowhere. He looked around for an answer, and the sight of a thrift store with a mini Santa Clause statue made a light bulb go off in his head.

"Ah, it'll be Christmas next month."

"Christmas?"

Shinpachi explained the western holiday with no religion since that was a whole new can of worms that he rather not explore. He then hit to his main topic. "Christmas has many little traditions. The one that makes me bashful is where if you stand under a mistletoe with someone, you have to share a kiss."

Kamui was baffled by such a tradition. "Why would Earthlings need to stand under a plant to kiss? Is it just an excuse to do shameless things with a dirty mind?"

Shinpachi couldn't exactly deny that, but he tried to reel the conversation where he needed it to be. "Only if you're looking to abuse the tradition to your advantage. Kondou-san tried many times with anue-e to no avail. The reason behind why it's a mistletoe is a long story, but it's supposed to give good luck so the tradition is nothing dirty. It's also nothing to take seriously since you don't have to kiss each other on the lips. It'd be pretty weird between family so a hug is fine, too. But it can feel romantic to kiss someone you like under a mistletoe. Do you have anyone you like?" The megane patted himself mentally on the back for smoothly transitioning.

Kamui stared at Shinpachi, remembering what the other girls said. He felt annoyed remembering it, but looking at Shinpachi...He honestly wasn't sure. Every day he couldn't help thinking about the samurai from time to time. Kamui had only ever been interested in four things in his life: Family, strong fighters, food and his pirate life. Yet Shinpachi suddenly became a fifth after a few years of getting to know him every time he visited, or the megane somehow got into space with his sister and his prey.

At first nothing stood out. Shinpachi was just this third wheeler to these monstrously strong people in his life. His impression was even worse with all his nagging and fanboying over a pop idol. It honestly made Kamui baffled by why his little sister would bother with such a disgusting useless guy. He concluded that it was either pity or surrender.

However, his impression was called to question when he quickly realized how friendly and responsive Abuto was to Shinpachi. The man would act like it was bothersome to talk to someone of another race unless they were a nightly adventure. Shinpachi wasn't that, and yet Abuto seemed to fancy him as something more than a pet. His vice-captain would dodge answering when lightly interrogated, and the man would always try to prevent Kamui from fighting Shinpachi when the megane seemed to have gotten stronger over time.

That got Kamui to pay closer attention to the otaku, and the first imprinting good impression was when he ran off to the Shimura household to find the younger male doing chores. Shinpachi was shocked to see him, but then immediately welcomed him in with tea. The conversation was nothing noteworthy, except for when Shinpachi spoke fondly of Kagura as if she were his own little sister or daughter. Kamui could tell that Shinpachi didn't see his little sister in a different light, and he even got him to admit that after everything that happened, they were too much of a family to do something that seemed incestuous.

Shinpachi then inquired about how familiar he was with Edo, and Kamui was not all that familiar. Kagura had made him meet her friends, but also strange alleyways and other places where she had many stories to tell. It took an entire week to finish the tour since plenty of chaos happened every day. Shinpachi was visibly not surprised but did feel like there had to be some restraint. It wasn't the yato's fault that these ingrates wanted to get a taste of defeat by his powerful hands, or were messed up to begin with like a certain terrorist.

The megane then asked if Kamui at least liked the cake shops, and the yato wasn't introduced to them. Shinpachi was surprised by this, but figured that Kagura probably thought her ruffian of an older brother wouldn't appreciate it. The yorozuya took it upon himself to let Kamui know such places to get a better idea of the feminine side of Kagura. Kamui went along with it because he was amused that a man would understand such womanly things. Shinpachi admitted that it was due to growing up with his sister, and he had been in plenty adventures that involved him crossdressing.

The rest of the day went by pretty ordinarily, but not less amusing. They ate cake, went window shopping at different shops, ate lunch, went to the zoo, ate dango, went to the movies, and then ate dinner. There was a few slip-ups of comedy between them, but they had fun talking to one another.

Kamui remembered going back to his hotel room at Yoshiwara humming happily without a care, but it came to a deep surprise when Abuto questioned him about it. The yato did enjoy himself, but there was nothing adrenaline pumping that happened to warrant such a reaction. However, despite his confusion, he kept returning to the samurai whether he was with company or not. He told himself that he returned because he suddenly found the otaku's nagging to be funny. He told himself that he returned because he enjoyed the meals the man made, and found to taste better than his prey's or anyone's cooking for some reason. He told himself that he returned because he surprisingly found watching the samurai do chores or train diligently to be relaxing to watch. He told himself he returned because he wanted the exposition-giving character to teach him more about Edo's customs. He told himself he returned because it just felt right.

Yet despite all those reasons he still felt confused. Why would he like someone who isn't a powerful and talented beauty? He has met many who had met that description and even met others similar to Shinpachi, yet this person stuck to him. Was it due to his closeness to his sister and his prey? Was it really just because Abuto found him appealing, so he did? In fact why do all these powerful and talented people care for this simple samurai? Was it because of the gorilla sister? But Kamui knew better that that wasn't the case since with the sister around, it just made the little brother seem more of a weak nuisance. Yet he is dearly loved and needed.

"Kamui?" Shinpachi of the present was getting a little concerned by how quiet the amanto was acting.

Kamui spilled some of the extra thoughts away to focus on what he was supposed to answer. Did he like anyone?

"Not at all. I have no interest in women."

Shinpachi looked slightly disappointed by the answer, but accepted it. "I see. But it's a pity. Despite how ruthless and violent you are with a rude mouth to boot, Kamui-san, you do have a kind side to you that I've seen over the years when you visit. Now don't look at me like that. You do!" The young man lightly laughed at the clueless expression Kamui sported. "You've improved in being a great big brother to Kagura, and Sadaharu loves to welcome you back to the Yorozuya. Seita also has high respects for you even now for helping him reunite with his mother. You really do have a soft spot for children don't you."

"What are you saying? Do you want me to kill you?" Kamui threatened to hide his embarrassment.

Shinpachi wasn't letting him get away with it. Instead he bravely teased, "You can go ahead and try to bury me, but that won't hide the truth."

"Okay then." Kamui raised his hand to pretend to strike.

Shinpachi laughed, "It's a joke! A joke! I'm sorry, but I mean what I said. Anyone who got to know you would feel lucky to be liked by you."

"Then the person happy about it would be an idiot. Nothing good will come out of being liked." Kamui remembered his father, his mother, and Housen. All of them having perished in their own ways.

"It's true that liking someone can bring about the worse in us, but it's only if you don't have the resolve to see it through." Shinpachi thought about Otose, Ofusa, and many other married or widowed people he had met. "As a yorozuya, I have seen many artificial, toxic and tragic relationships, but I have also seen many genuine ones. I'm sure that having a relationship will always be filled with clumsy regrets and hardships as the time changes, but if you don't lose sight of what really matters, and continue to fight yourself and with them when everything is in chaos, I'm sure the strongest in universe can handle being with their even stronger significant other."

Shinpachi gave him the most reassuring smile with a light tease in his eyes by his last statement. Kamui still looked doubtful. He walked away once from who really mattered, and despite all the progress he's made, he can still see himself walking away again. Shinpachi saw the doubt in his eyes, and figured that he couldn't be as convincing as Gin-san or meaningful as Kagura. The two were just friends after all.

Yet he still tried, "And I'm sure Kagura with Gin-san and I and Abuto-san could help you out." The red-head's eyebrows perked up at that. "Of course if you do meet someone, you have to introduce them to us! And we'll tell her all of the terrible things about you behind your back, and how to deal with them because nobody knows you better than your family. A relationship isn't restricted to just the two of you figuring things out together. We have your back, so Kamui-san, whether you're truly are not interested in a relationship or not, just know that you don't have to fight alone. We're one of your homes that you can turn to."

Kamui felt a part of him convinced, but a stubborn side of him wanted to reject it. Yet, he looked to Shinpachi in that weird confusing light as he imagined a future of just lying on his lap on either the yorozuya couch or the hall outside his room. They walked in silence the rest of the way until they reached the yorozuya where nobody else had come home to. There, Kamui subconsciously made Shinpachi take a seat at the couch and then he lied his head down on his lap. Shinpachi was confused, but having gotten used to such an intimate position, he allowed Kamui to rest on his leg.

"Ah, you must be tired from your travels and the festival. I can lay out a futon for you."

"No. Here is fine."

Shinpachi thought that this was a bit inconvenient for him, but he didn't complain. He just reached for the remote and turned on the television to watch whatever was on. The sounds of the television was just white noise to him as he basked in this normalcy. He closed his eyes, taking in the faint smells of the festivals on their bodies and the firm warmth of the samurai's thighs.

The idea of walking away from such a warm place was even more unappealing than running away with his selfish motives.

._._._.

A/N: MUhahahaha! Ending it there! And don't want to bother with editing!


	2. SMUT

A/N: It's been like a year since I last wrote Smut.

._._._.

The greyish white clouds filled the sky and showed no sign of daring to let the sun light escape through them. This allowed for Kamui to not have to bring his umbrella out so he had two hands to help carry several bags of groceries for his lover Shinpachi. The megane thought he was going to shop lightly, but after the yato arrived with his open wallet, he couldn't resist the opportunity. The ever vigilant megane convinced himself that it wasn't wrong to buy necessary materials with his boyfriend's money. Part of it was for dinner to feed this yato after all.

The two happily talked on their way to Shinpachi's home until sky suddenly erupted into a downpour. The two ran the rest of the way until they reached the entrance. Kamui didn't wait for Shinpachi to take out his keys. He put him onto his shoulder and leaped over the wall and to the screen door that led to the kitchen. They placed the groceries there, and then walked over to the hallway closet for the towels.

Kamui undid the buttons of his tunic, shedding off the soaked fabric. Shinpachi gulped at the sight of Kamui's pecks and abs glimmering a bit from the water. The droplet falling off the man's long vermilion hair made trails down that flawless smooth pale chest, which surprisingly had light pink nipples that had darkened and hardened from the cold. Kamui had definitely grown to Abuto's height with his features sharpening that he looked more like an adult instead of a teenager appropriately.

Shinpachi had grown taller as well, being only a few inches shorter, but remained slim and youthful-looking unlike his boyfriend. He was both envious and turned on by Kamui's appearance. That feeling heightened when his man dropped those soaked pants to reveal a shapely butt with a flaccid but still huge cock with balls to match. Kamui, despite being a pirate who licks blood off his hands, was a very neat and tidy person off the battlefield. It's definitely shown from his trimmed vermilion pubes and non-smelly odor.

Kamui's arms and legs made Shinpachi drool, and he felt a weird kinkiness in him at the sight of Kamui's trimmed armpit hair and legs. He looked away when Kamui noticed his staring. Shinpachi knew that Kamui wasn't into sex, and he was completely fine with that. He did get mad when people joked that he was a virgin, but sex wasn't the most important aspect of a relationship. The reckless fighter could get on his nerves, but Kamui made him happy with his gentle attentiveness, shared love for Otsuu-chan, interesting conversations, and so much more that Shinpachi was spoiled to the brim with love when Kamui came back from work once or twice a month and spends a week or more with him. It'd be selfish to ask for more.

Regaining his composure, he took off his own keikogi to reveal his slightly paler but still tan skin tone. Kamui felt jealous to see the tan lines he could never have due to his condition, or the thin lined bumps from healed cuts and stabs that Shinpachi survived due to his healing ability. He loved the imperfections of his slender lover who fought stronger and far more dangerous opponents that he overcame out of will and courage and help of his friends.

Kamui reached out to feel the wet tips of Shinpachi's hair that he allowed to grow to his shoulders after Kamui told him that it would make him happy if Shinpachi would allow himself to grow it just a little bit. Shinpachi looked behind him to see Kamui smiling at him as he played with his hair. He blushed, looking away again to strip down his hakama. Kamui took in the full view of his back, wanting to run his fingers along the imperfections, but knowing that Shinpachi would scold him for touching him carelessly, and then shy away.

The two of them began wiping themselves down with the towels. The baths were located outside, so they had to wait until the downpour was over to properly wash themselves, so at the moment, they had to wear kimono.

Shinpachi thoughtlessly turned towards Kamui to properly get dry and dressed. The fighter took in the front view of his lover, thinking his smaller portions were cute and respectable. Something about looking at this man's average muscular form honed from vigorous, disciplined training, and his exaggerated and cute expressions made Kamui's body warm up and tingle. He felt something similar when he found someone pretty strong to fight, but he knew that this feeling was different.

Shinpachi quickly gathered their wet clothes to be hung and dried inside one of the rooms. The two then went to the otaku's room to hang out, but somehow Shinpachi found himself pressed against the wall with Kamui kissing him, and his butt being grabbed and fondled.

Shinpachi broke away to breathe. "Ka-kamui?! What's wrong? Are you being hypnotized or drugged?"

Kamui smirked down at the flushed red expression. "Hmm? Isn't obvious? We're going to f***."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEH?! Y-you can do that?!"

Now that was a surprising reaction. "Hm? You thought I can't?" Physically he meant.

"NO! I-I mean I thought you weren't interested in that sort of thing since Abuto-san told me that you never slept with anyone before or ever got hard, even when you're battle hungry. And we've been dating for two years now! I already dedicated my life in staying a virgin because I love you! So don't be so surprised that I'm panicking from you touching me so sexually! Why now?! Did something happen?"

"I guess I hit puberty later than everyone. Nothing to be ashamed about when you have strongest fists to beat anyone."

"That's a lot of confidence you have there in your fists while your cock had finally decided to explore a new tunnel." Shinpachi deadpanned and then scolded the idiot, "How can you be so selfish?! Obviously I would want to have sex with the person I'm dating with! Do you even understand how much I've been holding myself back for you! I don't mean to sound like a sex-depraved idiot, and I really do think that sex isn't the most important thing about a relationship, but if you just decided now of all time to sleep with me, then were you testing me or did you finally convinced yourself that I was good enough?!" The megane couldn't help tearing up now. He quietly cursed himself.

"That's not it at all. I'm an idiot after all when it comes to romance. I loved you for over half a decade, but I didn't know what to do. I didn't know any of Earth customs and there was so many on just how to get someone to love you back. And us yatos aren't exactly the romantic types. The time I let my feelings slipped was an accident, but you held onto them and confessed your feelings, and built this stronghold for our relationship, even when we're apart. You really are amazing. Even when you thought I was a robot without a sex-drive, you still clung to me. I'm sorry I couldn't love you properly." Kamui held his lover close with a sad smile.

Shinpachi furrowed his brows but he held his lover tight anyway. "If you say it like that, you make it sound like it's all my fault, and you aren't wrong. I was the one who assumed everything, and didn't have a proper talk with you about it. Next time I won't be so considerate and expect more from you, so you better be ready."

"Yes, yes. I love you."

Shinpachi felt his heart swell up from those words. "I love you, too."

The two leaned back, and kissed again. They had kissed before with tongue. Shinpachi thought doing that and snuggling up in bed was enough physical intimacy for him, but now that he had the green light to mess himself up from bodily fluids that weren't his own, he was going to submerge himself in this new wave of pleasure.

Kamui did not expect much from their first time since he had heard plenty of stories from his crew that the first time aren't ever smooth. He heard enough big-dick disaster stories to know that penetrating his lover wasn't possible. He had been given the advice that masturbating and foreplay is what should be done for quite awhile until the body was used to it. Shinpachi would agree with him to take things slowly.

He was wrong.

He never got to actually talk to Shinpachi about taking it slow, and it looked like that wasn't even up for debate when he found himself lying on a futon that Shinpachi pulled out with the lube and XL plus sized condoms. Shinpachi got on top of him with the upper half of his kimono dropped to his elbows. Kamui felt his own cock twitch at the way the man looked down at him like a piece of meat. That ass sliding back to rub against that excited length. Shinpachi fondled Kamui's chest that was soft in its relaxed state while kissing him. He then slid down to suck on one of the still perky nipples while having one hand play with the other and his second hand stroke Kamui's cock. Kamui didn't feel much, but he took notes to what Shinpachi may like. He relaxed, not minding being on the submissive part in order to please his lover. He figured that someone like Shinpachi would know how to something minor like this with someone as closeted perverted like him.

Shinpachi slid his tongue down his abs, placing mouthful kisses on them, before stopping at his enlarged cock. Kamui shivered at the feel of Shinpachi's breath against it and the tongue that followed from the base to the tip, taking the crown in his mouth. Kamui let out a pleased sigh, but then warning signs immediately flared up when he felt Shinpachi's tongue zealously and flexibly attacked his crown like a delicious piece of candy, and had his cheeks hollowed when he sucked at the same time. The enclosed cavern making Kamui give an audible moan.

He covered his mouth, feeling a new kind of shame he hadn't felt. He felt Shinpachi let go of his crown with a lewd pop. He thought he was allowed a moment a mercy, but then Shinpachi opened that mouth wide, folding lips back to cover the teeth and swallowed his cock like a starving animal pleading for milk. Kamui had heard of how it wouldn't be easy to deep throat, but somehow he felt Shinpachi's lips and nose against his pubes.

Shinpachi let out a choking nose, but it was filled with slurping noises and moans as he throat fucked himself. Kamui punched a hole in the futon as a warning sign that he was close and he was losing his self control to not use his strength. Shinpachi's mouth let him go, but he pumped Kamui with his hands and had his lips kiss the slit of his cock with the tip of his tongue teasing it before a thick milky white load finally let itself out for the first time.

Shinpachi took as much of it as he could, swallowing every single drop like water. He took large gulps of breath when he was done. Kamui was panting as well, never having felt something as intense as that. His whole body felt a wave of electricity and then for it to erupt like that left him feeling a state of vulnerability that he wasn't sure he liked. He looked down at his lover to see Shinpachi looking right back at him with an unsatisfied, hungry leer.

He felt his cock revive at such a dangerous seductive look. Shinpachi kissed it on the side, and then kissed the neglected balls. Sucking one in while the other was fondled. Kamui gently placed a hand on Shinpachi's head, encouraging the act until his cock was practically throbbing for something hot again. Shinpachi kissed Kamui's thigh, rubbing the other with his hand as he reached for the lube.

Shinpachi changed his position to get on top of Kamui again, but this time, his rear was facing his lover. He had lubed up his fingers and then had one hand move one butt cheek aside to bring his hole into view. Kamui watched as a lubed finger teased the entrance and Kamui, without thinking, sat up and dove his tongue right into the hole.

Shinpachi cried out his baffled pleasure. He felt uncomfortable being curved like that, so he got up on his hands, which shifted his weight to his legs and forced him to take that tongue deeper. Shinpachi felt that strong tongue move inside him as he watched Kamui grab that bottle of lube and squirt in to both his hands. His heart seized in fear and excitement when that bottle was put aside and those lubed fingers joined that tongue one by one. His glasses dropped to the floor and pushed aside as Shinpachi moved his hips to meet with Kamui's tongue added with the man's fingers stretching that hole, and then stayed still when the man withdrew his tongue to eat the rest of it. His wet dripping cock swinging back and forth, feeling its own masochistic pleasure from from the cold air. He felt tears of pleasure hit him when Kamui traveled lower to a sensitive spot between his ball sac and his defenseless hole taking the invasion. His arms turned to jelly and cock gave in to cumming over the futon.

Kamui then dropped him. Shinpachi looked over his shoulder, wanting to do more, but he kept his mouth shut at the sight of a beast unleashing itself. Kamui took the bottle of lube, stuck it in Shinpachi and squeezed it hard. Shinpachi cried out at the sudden intrusion, and then yelped when he was turned over with legs up and spread for a huge raw cock at his entrance.

Kamui placed his fists at Shinpachi's sides, angling his hips, and then pushing it in. Shinpachi felt it hard to breathe when his hole was being stretched to what he believed was beyond his limits. It stung, but then knowing that what was finally entering him was Kamui's cock, that pain turned into a pleasurable reward. He wanted that cock so much that he pressed his hand against his lower stomach to also feel it entering from there. Once he felt the man's hips against him, Kamui paused.

Shinpachi looked up to see the man holding the beast back. His eyes were closed, brows furrowed, and his usual cool body was covered in sweat that strands of his hair stuck to him. Shinpachi felt his heart flutter at the sight. He did want Kamui's cock so bad, but he needed to think of his own body. They both waited until Shinpachi's body adjusted to the intrusion. Shinpachi took careful breaths, not daring to move until the pain beneath the pleasure had subsided.

When he felt himself relax, accepting the new limb inside him, he cupped Kamui's cheek. "Kamui, I'm fine. You can move."

Kamui exhaled as if he had been holding his breath this whole time, and slowly exited his lover half way and then entered him slowly. There was a lot of lube so the penetration was slippery. Shinpachi turned his head to the side, clenching the sheets because the heat and friction made it hard to last long. After he could find his restraint, he looked up to see that Kamui still had his eyes closed.

Shinpachi cupped his face, and pulled him into a kiss. He could feel Kamui frown and his hips pick up speed roughly. Shinpachi turned them over and bounced on him a bit awkwardly until he could find his balance. Kamui grit his teeth, arching his head back at the tight melting pleasure of his lover.

"Ka-Kamui." Shinpachi called out to him, a bit breathless. "Does it not feel good?"

Kamui tried to smile at such a dumb question. He answered, "I don't want to hurt you. I want to ram into you, but I might break your hips."

Shinpachi definitely didn't want that. He laughed a little, "I guess your hips could stop a bullet train."

Kamui finally opened his eyes, his stiff smile becoming relaxed and a bit goofy when he saw his flushed and sweaty lover. He sat up, holding Shinpachi close against him. "You feel amazing."

Shinpachi blushed and his hole tightened. Kamui let out a pleasured groan and then attacked Shinpachi's neck with kisses and nibbles. Shinpachi laughed at the ticklish feeling, and then took hold of his head, so they could face each other again, "Thank you for holding yourself back, but I want you to enjoy yourself."

"You say that as if you hadn't swallowed this." Kamui jerked his lips lightly, making Shinpachi gasp and arch his back forward. "I want to pleasure you."

Shinpachi teased back, "You say that as if you hadn't ate this." He went up and then down to the base, and then squeezed upward.

Kamui placed his face on his lover's chest. Shinpachi repeated a few more times until Kamui had them turned around to get back into position to properly thrust into Shinpachi again, but this time with eyes open and hips moving a bit faster. Shinpachi felt his toes curl, thinking that everything was perfect, but then he could see it in the fighter's eyes that he needed some direction. Shinpachi had spent years having every wet dream he could possibly want, and he took full advantage to try out as many positions to get that cock hitting him in all the right places while strong arms supported his slutty body.

Kamui answered to all his dirty pleas, feeling himself relax and enjoying himself. The beast in him wanted to take charge, but the man he was punched it aside whenever Shinpachi looked up at him with so much love and appreciation.

It went on for hours with short breaks in between to catch their breath and recharge. Kamui thought that at some point Shinpachi had to get tired, but he was surprised to find out that it was the other way. Kamui could fight for days, but the bedroom was another matter entirely when it was added with sleep hormones being released after each orgasm. Shinpachi had masturbated continuously unlike him who never did, so while he was trying to not slow down his thrusts and drop dead, Shinpachi was bucking his hips back in an incredible position with passionate cries.

After this orgasm, he dropped on the floor, waving his white flag. Shinpachi was confused of how his powerful boyfriend could give in already, but then figured that holding back must take a lot of strength, so he helped clean up his boyfriend, get a new kimono on him, and got him on a clean futon while the other is placed aside for laundry later. He did the same for himself before lying next to his softly snoring boyfriend.

The sound of the pattering rain lulling him to sleep.


	3. ABC

Let's Sing to the Alphabet A-C

 **A – Alcohol**

"Time to play the Shogun-sama game!" Sarutobi cried out, having the obvious sneaky plan to make the other girls get embarrassed, especially Tsukuyo despite the two having become great close friends. Well that just showed how great friends they were after all. "It's time to take you down, bitch!"

Tsukuyo had a faint idea of what Sarutobi was up to, but she just allowed the events to flow by as the good friend she was.

And thus at Yoshiwara in one of the bars, Otae, Kyuubei, Tsukuyo, Kagura and Sarutobi joined in, but they wanted more so each girl dragged a guy in to spice things up. Otae grabbed Kondo since he was in the ceiling and knocked him unconscious so he didn't do anything stupid. Kagura refused to take Sougo who came to pick up Kondo but he was her only choice since Sarutobi dragged in Gintoki and Kyuubei found Shinpachi first.

It got even worse when Tsukuyo arrived with Kamui in tow. She apologized to Kagura but he was the only other man she could find. Kagura didn't want any of those two sadists near her, so she was the one who decided everyone's seating places. Kamui would rather fight than play a game, but Shinpachi quickly stepped in.

"Ah! Ka-kamui-san, let's not fight!" He said nervously. He cleared his throat, reminding himself that though Kamui likes to act like a blood-thirsty beast, he wasn't entirely impolite and stubborn as others that Shinpachi knew. "You just arrived, so how about relaxing for a little bit, and play an Earth game or two. Everyone here is pretty competitive, so it should be fun. Neh?" He pulled up his best smile, hoping it'll invite the yato to play/compete instead of fight.

Kamui smiled back that suspicious smile and agreed easily, "Okay!"

And so everyone took their seats, and since there were two pairs of siblings, it was only right to bring out a top hat filled with risky but not dirty tasks provided by Otae, Shinpachi and Tsukuyo. However, Kagura and Sarutobi were prepared with hidden folded paper to make things more interesting, and screw anyone who exposes them for it!

And so the game begin with Otae luckily getting the shogun stick first after battling for it. The folded paper she picked out dared someone to recite the teachings of bhudda or else they were to be smacked with a wooden paddle. She picked number three and that happened to be Gintoki. The man tried to escape, but Kagura and Sogou who were beside him held him down, and the man was smacked to near death. Shinpachi cried out to him, and wanted to go check on him, but then he felt a tug at the back of his shirt. He looked behind him to see Kamui's hand. He looked over to the yato to see him just smiling. He turned his attention to Shinpachi, making the young man blush and forget that Gintoki was in need of medical attention.

The next one was Kagura and she acted disinterested of the folded paper so as to not draw attention to the fact that she secretly popped in her own folded paper that she was going to pick, but then Sougo "accidentally" kneed the table which shook the papers in the hats. Kagura looked back at him in shock, and the sadist looked back at her with a grim smile.

Kagura wanted to beat his ass, but when Otae inquired if everything was fine, she let it go and chose a random one instead, and it stated that the number she chose had to eat a bowl of mayonnaise or else they had to get branded with Sorachi's face on their left butt cheek.

Sogou immediately tried to run away, but he was locked in by a reawaken Gintoki and Kamui. One nearly crushing his arm under his strength for vengeance and the other wickedly smiling in glee by all the torture he was witnessing. Shinpachi prayed for his survival when Kagura bough out a huge ass bowl of mayonnaise that was impossible for one person to consume without dying, so Sougo's ass got branded by a hot poker.

The officer got up to go to the bathroom to puke, and Shinpachi wanted to follow to make sure he was alright or he could wake Kondo up to help bring him to the hospital. But then he was distracted when Kamui slyly got his arm around Shinpachi, having his hand touch Shinpachi's waist so as to pull him closer to get out of Sougo's way to the bathroom. Shinpachi blushed a little harder when he felt the side of Kamui's body against his and the smell of fresh soap with a unique pleasant smell. He was a little saddened when Kamui removed his hand but he felt his heart skip when that hand went down to his bum. He tried not to think too much of it because obviously Kamui needed to place his hand somewhere and it just so happened to be his ass! Hahahaha!

"LET'S GET ALCOHOL!" Shinpachi suggested. "The-these orders are rather intense, so how about some drinks to help ease us!"

"You just read my mind!" Hinowa appeared with a tray of drinks, and Sarutobi took advantage of this to bring out the beast in Tsukuyo to make her even more embarrassing that she wouldn't be able to show her face in public! Mwuhahahaha!

But Gintoki took Tsukuyo's share since he needed all the alcohol he could get to ease the wounds in his pride, not that he had much pride to begin with. Sarutobi inwardly and outwardly screeched because the two brushed their fingers together in a totally intimate way that signaled their hot passionate night promised to each other!

The two told her to shut up, and get on with the game! Shinpachi hesitated a bit to drink his.

"Would you like mine?" Kamui handed his drink to Shinpachi, and the megane wasn't sure of what to say, and found himself further in a loss of words when he felt Kamui's finger purposely brush against his. His whole body went red hot that he downed the two drinks at once. Otae told him to slow down, but then when Kondo woke up and thought he was dreaming so went in for a kiss, she found herself chucking empty glasses at the gorilla and chugging down alcohol to ease her own hot-blooded body.

The game continued with Sarutobi taking her turn, and like the ninja she was, she quickly picked one from the top hat, but pretended she picked two and went to drop the one from the top hat, but Otae's careless arm made her drop both, and then Kagura slamming her fists against the table to order for food shook the hat. Sarutobi still didn't panic since she had copies that she could skillfully pull out, but then she found herself unable to find the hat due to her glasses suddenly being snatched by Gintoki who easily caught onto what she was doing.

Furious by this betrayal, she got into a one-sided battle with Tsukuyo and Gintoki with Otae joining with Kondo's body as a weapon. Sogou came back with strength to fight Kagura and it became one messy brawl.

Kamui thought it must be a lot of fun by the sounds of it but not by the looks of it due to the fact that he snuck out to the bar's alleyway with a buzzed Shinpachi. In his hand he had the number seven, and Shinpachi had the shogun in his. The megane giggled as he read his folded paper, "Maaaah, it looks like whoever is number seven has to kiss the Shogun. Mmm, but I don't know if I can allow such a dirty thing to happen."

"It's alright. As long as I don't touch the lips, it should be fine." And so Kamui wrapped his arms around Shinpachi's waist, removing his glasses, and kissed his forehead, the bridge between his eyes, the tip of his nose, both his cheeks, the upper corner of his eyes, other parts of his cheeks and down along the jawline.

Shinpachi laughed, "Ka-kamui-san!" Kamui stopped, and the two looked at each other under the faint orange lights of Yoshiwara. The two were of even height. Shinpachi cupped Kamui's face, taking in the feel of doing something so intimate with someone who usually isn't touched beyond brutal battles.

The bravado effects of alcohol wore off, and was replaced with a sober yearning. He happily greeted late, "Welcome home."

Kamui greeted back, "I'm home."

 **B – Beauty**

Late into the night, a woman entered an oden cart to find an old man who gave her the usual nice greeting smile that immediately made the place feeling welcoming and at home.

"Oh hello, miss! Please take a seat-"

"OLD MAN!" A silver haired drunk weirdo entered the cart, incoherently babbling about scary women, failed policemen, and moronic terrorists.

"Oh hello again! I see that you've come here to complain again! Don't be alarmed miss, this guy just has some troubles with his student!"

"Student?" The woman blinked curiously.

"Ah yes! This man here is one of the few remaining samurai around today, and he works as an odd-jobs man for a living since using samurai as body guards is out of style these days. What with the guns and laser eyes being more useful."

"Oh, so he's having trouble with his student because they probably want to be something other than be a samurai?"

"Not at all! The boy is very passionate! Although calling him a boy wouldn't be the right word to use. And calling him a man in the same way as other men are wouldn't quite cut it either. Y'see miss, this guy's student here used to be what kids these days would call nerdy and unpopular. An otaku if you may. But that was when the student was a teenager. Now he's in his twenties, and has grown up to become quite the dutiful odd-jobs samurai with a spirited compassionate likeness to him. But it's not his skills or personality that has made the young samurai popular among other men."

"Other men?"

"Yup. Every woman hates him while every man has found themselves falling in love with him. If you were to meet the guy, you'd understand." The man handed her the flier for the Yorozuya. "He is at that address and I believe his name is...uhm, Satoji? No. Shun? No. That's not it."

"Shinpachi. Shimura Shinpachi." The woman spoke in a low deep restrained voice.

"Ah! That's his name! Did you happen to know him, miss?"

"No." She crumpled the flier under her fist. "All I know of this guy is-" She grabbed Gintoki by the throat, "HE STOLE MY BOYFRIEND!" She threw the samurai through the stone wall of the river behind the oden cart. The old man watched as the river washed the samurai away to his supposed death.

The next day, the woman with her battle axe in hand headed towards the Yorozuya where she knew the boyfriend-stealing asshole was. While she walked there, she heard several lazing men gossiping.

"Hey have you heard of the beauty down at Otose's bar?"

"Beauty? Do you mean that crazy strong alien girl with the orange hair? I saw her, and she is quite the beauty but I think my Miyako-chan is ten times cuter."

"No! Not that one. I meant the guy with the black hair."

"Eh? Guy?! I never knew-"

"It's NOT like that! I'm straight! A 100% straight! But if any of you guys saw him, you'd understand! He's already known pretty well at Kabukicho, but after what happened at that Otsuu-chan concert, he stole the spotlight in the social media! Haven't you been checking your tweeter?"

"Shut up! I've been hold up at work! And I think that you're just weird! There's no way a guy could be that beautiful!"

"Then look for yourself!" The guy took out his phone to show a picture.

The men around him had their faces drop and screamed in disbelief.

"SO PRETTY!"

The woman with the battle axe chucked her weapon at them, and then retrieved it back by pulling on its chain. She charged forward even faster until she catapulted herself into the Yorozuya.

Shinpachi screamed at the ruckus happening in the living room. "We're being attacked so early in the morning?! Is it the guys who attacked Gin-san?!"

"Who cares. You can just use your good looks to convince them to go away." Kagura deadpanned from the corner of the room she huddled at with mushrooms sticking out of her. "It doesn't matter that I'm a rare powerful foreign species with the body of a super model. A mediocre virgin otaku is a hundred times better."

"Kagura-chan, please stop moping! We're under attack!"

He ran out of the room to see their intruders, and as he did the natural sunlight from the partly destroyed ceiling gave him the spotlight. The woman looked up from where she landed to get a good look of the man, and dammit he was gorgeous! What with his long silky black hair that framed his smooth angular face that held a pair of lovely yet sharp brown eyes, thin nose and perfect pink lips behind a pair of glasses.

She wanted to kill him right there and then, but then to her disadvantage, she actually got stuck in a hole in the floor. "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I'M HERE TO KILL YOU!"

"ME?!"

"YES! You stole my boyfriend!"

"Eeeeeeeeeh?! That's impossible! I'm a guy."

Kagura came into the room with a strong aura of pessimism exuding from her presence. "What does it matter if you're a guy. You still have a hole down there that can be used. Just do it doggy style or blindfold for all I care."

"That's not the problem here!" Shinpachi cried out and then faced back to the woman struggling in the floor. "Ahnooo, I'm sorry for what happened between you and your boyfriend, but I swear I didn't do anything deliberately."

"Don't lie to me you man-eater! He told me himself that you were the one who stole him from me!"

"Who?"

"Kamui, you idiot!"

Shinpachi froze up by the name. "Eh? Ka-ka-KAMUIIIIII?! Yo-you-you're his girlfriend?!"

"I would've been if not for you!"

"Ah, she's insane." Kagura commented, feeling herself regain hope in the world randomly. She came forward while picking her nose with her pinkie. "Oi bitch, get your head out of the bucket. My stupid older brother wouldn't like a stupid bitch like you who comes around claiming that he was yours in the first place, aru."

"Who're you calling a bitch?! And why in the whole universe he would decide on this useless nobody! Sure he has looks, but you're nothing more than a third-wheeling loser otaku without a real job! There's no way Kamui or anyone who won't just take you in as a pretty toy could ever wanna be with you!"

 **CLENCH**

The woman found her head being squeezed to the point that it might pop by the strength exerting from Kagura's hand around it. "And from what I can see, you're nothing but a spoiled ass cunt who doesn't know her place, so don't go around speaking ill of this worthless otaku here."

"Uhm Kagura-chan, you just spoke ill of me." Shinpachi commented.

Kagura crouched down with the ugliest gangster face, "If you knew so much then you should've picked a better time to pick a fight! I was already having a really bad day on top of a really bad week since this worthless otaku suddenly got all glammed up like Cinderella. Does that make me the ugly step-sister, huh!"

Shinpachi deadpanned, "Ah no. It would require a fairy godmother to be Cinderella."

"But even if he is a worthless otaku that I want to kill so badly, he's the _**best thing**_ my stupid older brother ever had in his life! Like hell I'm gonna accept you into my family after coming here and disrespect my family! YOU HEAR ME YOU PSYCHO SLUT!" Kagura chucked that woman through the roof that she became a star in the otherwise bright sky.

With that done, Kagura plopped right back down on the sofa. "Shinpachi, make me food."

"Yes, yes." Shinpachi did as he was told nonchalantly, but in the kitchen, he couldn't help the smile on his face.

Later after they told Kamui what happened, the woman and other future women like her never came to the Yorozuya ever again.

 **C - Choriss**

At a modest modern home, a teenage girl became obsessed with the new Love Choriss game built for women that worked identical to the original Love Choriss game that became popular five years ago, and had since been upgraded to have plenty more heroines in order to recover their losses after a certain curly haired silver samurai ruined it for others.

When the male version of Love Choriss game came out, a flood of women from unpopular to popular purchased it since real life men were no good after all. This caused a significant downfall of couples throughout the world, that the original Love Choriss game became very popular again for the broken-hearted men. Japan was then known as the Love Choriss country with an even worse declining birth rate.

And so in order to save this, the Yorozuya was called in by a desperate mother who wanted grandchildren to help save her teenage daughter. Gintoki immediately declined having any part of it due to the trauma of the original game and he also wasn't into dudes (or so he says).

"What do you mean 'or so he says'?! I'm not gay, you damn witch!" Gintoki yelled at this author but she ignored him.

Kagura declined as well since she was already dating Sougo, and she wasn't into gaming in the first place. She'd end up slacking off on this kind of job anyway, so the two lazy bastards left this to their friendly neighborhood otaku, Shimura Shinpachi desu. The both of them ran off before he could get a word in.

Shinpachi clicked his tongue, but it couldn't be helped. In this type of situation he was the best person to handle this. Also it was very difficult to reject a crying mother. And so as Gintoki had done so for him before, it was now his turn to delve into the world of Love Choriss filled with guys.

And to Shinpachi's surprise there was far more selections than the original Love Choriss. Five to be exact:

One) Gin – A Lazy Playboy with a tragic past.

Two) Toshihiro – A Thorny delinquent with a tragic past.

Three) Okit – A Sadist with a tragic past.

Four) Konkon – A gorilla with a tragic past

"WHY IS THERE A LITERAL GORILLA IN THE CHOICES?!" Shinpachi yelled in fury as he scrolled down the choices.

Four) Konkon – In case the woman happens to be a sadist herself who can't hurt a pretty face, we have our masochistic gorilla here to take all your harsh blows. Don't worry about being too rough! He'll love you no matter what since no one else will!

"LIKE HELL I'LL WANT TO BE CRUEL TO A GORILLA! THIS IS ANIMAL ABUSE! AND WHAT'S UP WITH THE LAST SENTENCE! THAT JUST MAKES THIS EVEN MORE CRUEL!"

Four) Konkon – Yes. Yell more. *heavy breathing*

SLAM

Shinpachi was about to dump this request, but then once he calmed down, he came back to the game, and looked at the last character, hoping for someone decent.

Five) Kamatari – A smiling sadist with a tragic past.

Shinpachi should've known better, and what's the difference between a normal sadist and a smiling sadist? And why all the tragic pasts?! Do all women want a man with a tragic past?!

He grumbled to himself that he was going to take most of the earnings from this job and treat himself to some otsu-chan merch once this was all over.

And so he took into consideration of who to choose. He didn't want Gin since that awkwardly reminded him of Gin-san. He didn't choose Toshihiro since he reminded him of a certain Mayo police officer. Definitely not Okito and Konkon. He stopped at Kamatari wondering if perhaps Toshihiro was the safer choice, but the more Shinpachi stared at Kamatari with his smiling face, he couldn't help being pulled towards it. That smile just gave him a sense of nostalgia, so subconsciously perhaps, his fingers picked him before he was completely sure if he wanted Kamatari.

And so after beating the little action game to win Kamatari as his choice instead of Konkon, he found himself reading a whole lot of prologue that explained that Kamatari grew up in family connected to the mafia where his father was hitman who fell in love with a gorgeous foreigner who came with him to his home country. The two had two children, but the mother died after contracting a local disease. Unable to forgive his father for bringing his mother to her death, he joined with the opposing mafia family to get stronger and someday assassinate his father.

Shinpachi was surprised how uncanny the situation was similar to a certain someone he knew. A certain someone he had been able to properly meet after all was said and done for his family. And so when it came to actually meeting the character, he wasn't surprised that Kamatari ditched him with a smile because he didn't have time for weaklings. The game of course didn't leave the player in vain because despite having chosen their preferred character, they were still able to interact with the other male characters to see if they might prefer the others instead. Not only that, but like how Pinko in the original game had her son included as a secondary character to interact with in the game, Shinpachi was allowed to interact with various other characters but of course there were rules to follow by in order to properly see them.

And so Shinpachi naturally got closer to Kamatari's family, especially the little sister, Kagami who was a sporty tomboy in the Kung Fu club. She wanted to be strong enough to bring her brother back from the other mafia family and fix her family. Moved by her motivations, he wanted to help her even if she did have quite the attitude against him for being a megane. Later on in the game, he found himself becoming attached to the Gin character since the guy really was a good-for-nothing, but he was also a really talented man in the art of kendo who protected those who needed to be protected. Kagami forced him to adopt her, and so Shinpachi really couldn't leave the two alone since he wasn't sure how the game planned to treat these two. If anything improper did happen, he was going to form a boycott for the game in its entirety. Lolicons be damned.

And so the days went by where Shinpachi went through ridiculous adventures with Kagami and Gin that involved the other various characters, and he was pulled in quite tragic tales as well as corrupted ones that disgusted him.

Before he knew it, he had captured the hearts of the three other men in the game. Konkon died in a car crash, but Shinpachi had a suspicion that he was kidnapped by Okito and was being held in his basement by the mysterious uho's he heard from beneath the floorboards and the screeching when Okito went down to deal with it. Shinpachi just turned a blind eye to that, and Okito's heart meter went up a bunch by that. It was no stretch of an idea that he was Shinpachi's least favorite.

Eventually, he was able to clash with Kamatari again after he had become the head of the rival mafia family and began an all out mafia war. It was quite the dramatic event, but Shinpachi pulled through all the different game levels until he, Kagami, her father and Gin were able to face him off as the ultimate villain. He helped fight with Kagami until Kamatari finally came to his senses.

Now that the dust had settled, Kagami's family seemed to have become much closer, especially after Kamatari obliterated the head of the mafia family that his father was under, and converged the forces together under his one power.

Kagami thanked Shinpachi for his help, and told him that she would miss him while she went overseas to attend college. Gin with a sad smile told him that he was created to be a lover, but knew that the two of them could be nothing more than friends, and he felt grateful that that was the case. It made things less complicated and gave more room to just be himself. It was about time that he went on a journey to heal, so with a kiss on the cheek, he left too.

Shinpachi was reluctant to let them go, but he knew that this simply meant that his work was done, but he couldn't put the game down since he still had to do exactly what he came to do and that was to win Kamatari's heart.

"You probably think that now you have my attention that you could make me fall for you. Ah, but now that I'm the head of the deadliest mafia, you won't be able to see much of me. Looks like you've wasted your time chasing after me." The asshole said with that heartless smile of his.

Anyone would feel discouraged from those words, but Shinpachi simply smiled, "I don't think it was a waste."

The game character's eyes widened in surprise and tilted their head with a question mark popping out. "You don't?"

Shinpachi shook his head, "Mm Mm. Starting out, it was with that goal in mind, but after spending time with your sister and with everyone else, my goal changed to simply wanting to see you smile more genuinely with people who love you. So if this is the end for us, I'm completely fine with it. I just hope that you don't end up estranged from your family again. I don't want you or Kagami-chan to be sad. But knowing her, she'd end up fighting her way back to you."

"I won't allow that to happen. After all, I can't afford to lose to her anymore. I'll definitely become the strongest."

Shinpachi felt himself smile warmly at that declaration yet he still deviously sighed worriedly. "I wonder. Working in such a dangerous career, it's hard to imagine that your heart won't end up cold. Ah, so it's better if you get someone warm and strong by your side who won't let you be too big of an idiot brother, Kamatari-san."

"Eh? Do you want me to kill you? I might be a character in a game, but I can easily become a virus, too."

"Please tell me you can't do that, please!" Shinpachi hoped the he was joking, so opted to continue playing along. "But I didn't mean to tease you, Kamatari-san. I genuinely think that you should have someone by your side. I know you have your right-hand man Abu, but you'll end up too absorbed in your work. It's good to have someone not so involved to help balance out your lifestyle."

"Do you really think you can trick me into spending more time with you?"

Shinpachi giggled, "I'll see you whenever I can, Kamatari-san. Bye bye."

He closed the game, and left it be for a few days before checking back on it on his day off to find Abu answering him since Kamatari was currently busy with work. Shinpachi didn't mind and simply talked to Abu for the next couple of hours while doing other things.

It went on like that for awhile until Kamatari finally appeared wondering what Shinpachi was doing spending day after day talking to Abu. Shinpachi reassured him that he found it fun talking to Abu, and apologized if he was taking up too much of his time. He was the right-hand man, so he can't be idly chatting. And then Shinpachi had to hang up on him due to Kagura and Gintoki getting back into their gimmicks.

The next time Shinpachi got online, he was surprised to find Kamatari answering him instead of Abu. The video game character said that Abu was busy with a mission he gave him, so he was stuck with him. Shinpachi thought he should be suspicious about that, but there's no way Kamatari would purposely push Abu away so that the two could connect. He just let it go since it was rare for him to talk to Kamatari anyway.

Since then, the two interacted with each other for hours on end, almost day after day. Shinpachi found himself sucked deeper and deeper into their late night talks that he began to hallucinate Kamatari coming to life, but for some reason as he did, he was imagining vermilion braided hair, gorgeous blue eyes and fair skin.

When the two went out in public, people with the games were staring at him, surprised to see a male gamer walking with an incredibly rare male choriss character. Girls immediately flocked to him, wondering how in the world he did it. Kamatari threatened them to stay away while calling them ugly.

Shinpachi scolded him, but Kamatari just walked away, having the megane chase after him angrily.

"Kamatari-kun, it was unnecessary to insult them like that! They just wanted to know how they could get their own Kamatari."

"Even if you did tell them how to get me, there's no way they'll be able to keep me with their ugly faces and boring attitude."

"Oi, stop it. Just be nicer next time. If you don't want me to tell them how, then I won't tell them."

Kamatari stared at Shinpachi with a contemplative expression.

Shinpachi blinked at his odd expression. "Kamatari-kun?"

"Oh, Turtle-kun!" Kamui approached him with his usual umbrella in hand. "Hello!"

"Ah, Kamui-kun! Are you here to visit Kagura-chan?"

"Something like that. What are you doing?"

"Ah, I'm playing a game for a job. It's a dating sim, or at least it was supposed to be a dating sim, but it looks like I chose the most difficult character to chase after. Kamui-kun, this is Kamatari-kun. He's a yakuza boss and we're currently just friends." Shinpachi introduced the two.

Kamui looked at the screen and saw Kamatari smiling at him, and for some reason it pissed off the yato. "Eh? Why would you choose a yakuza boss?"

"Ah, well to be honest I didn't like the other choices, and Kamatari-kun seemed to be worth the trouble of playing a game directed towards the female demographic." Shinpachi blushed a little with a warmth to his words. "Right Kamatari-kun?"

"It's honestly pretty sad that it's an otaku megane who is the only one able to get my attention out of the thousands of women playing this game and endangering the birthrate."

"Well, I'm sorry that it's me!" Shinpachi dismissed the insult and focused on Kamui. "If you're wondering where Kagura-chan is, I think she's currently with Nobume-chan and Soyo-chan at the casinos. It looks like Gin-san's gambling habits has infected her too." Shinpachi gloomily looked down in despair.

Kamui didn't really care for that. If his sibling decides to become a worthless adult like his prey, then that's up to her. What actually took his interest was the dating sim game. As a pirate, he can't visit Earth often, but he tries to come by whenever he could, and part of it was to see his sister, but most of the time, it's to selfishly see Shinpachi. And he was not happy that some forced fictional love interest knew so much more about the samurai than he did.

Feeling desperate, he spoke the first thing that came to mind, "Let's go to the park."

"Huh?" Shinpachi was caught off guard by the sudden change of topic.

Kamui had no idea what to even do at the park, but that was something people special to each other did, or at least that's what Kagura told him when she's with the police officer. He stubbornly kept to it, "The amusement park. I've only been there once. Will you keep me accompany?" He inwardly punched himself for sounding robotic.

Shinpachi though didn't think his tone was weird, but his request was random. "Ah, sure, but it's a holiday today. The lines must be long so the wait could be unbearable for you since it's sunny too. But if you still want to then..."

"I don't care. I just want to do something fun with you."

"Me?" Shinpachi was confused yet embarrassingly happy that Kamui wanted to spend time with him specifically. "Uhm, well, maybe we can't go to an amusement park, so how about a regular park. It's not as fun, but instead of standing around in line, taking a walk sounds better. Ah, but if that's too boring..."

"No, it's perfect." Kamui grabbed Shinpachi's wrist and pulled him towards where he thinks he remembers where the park was.

Shinpachi turned to Kamatari who just waved goodbye and left to his work. Shinpachi wouldn't have minded if he stuck around, but selfishly, he was glad that Kamatari checked out because secretly, Shinpachi wanted to be alone with Kamui.

Kamui and Shinpachi soon found the park which was filled with people, but it wasn't too crowded. The two enjoyed a simple walk, and Kamui would hide his face when women were around so as to not disturb them. When they did see his face, he would hold Shinpachi's hand and smile at him, making the girls realize he was gay. Shinpachi played along since they had a limited time to spend time together.

When they weren't being on the verge of being interrupted, the two talked about their jobs and the people they cared for. There was a ton of ridiculous stories. A few that had him snort that he would cover his mouth in embarrassment. Shinpachi pretended to not notice the little moments of Kamui breaking his composure. For a guy who like to act happy-go-lucky, he was actually a very serious person, so seeing Kamui loosen up for real was like snacking on delicious luxury treats. Shinpachi also didn't mind that Kamui liked to tease him to get him to pull out his straight man routine since it was funny.

They walked for hours, getting ice cream and other types of food from the food carts and booths that could be set up, and even bought sparklers and bubble soap to be just a bunch of kids. Though Kamui needed to not go crazy.

At some point, Shinpachi needed to go use the restroom while the two were sitting on a bench. He excused himself, unaware that Kamui took the game console from his pocket. While he was gone, Kamui turned on the console and found Kamatari standing in front of him and didn't look surprised to see him.

"Ah, so you're here to finish the job!"

Kamui played along, "Yup! He's mine, so goodbye."

"Ah so did you confess?" Kamatari asked before Kamui could snap the game in two. "If you did, he would say yes."

"Mm? What are you talking about?"

"I may be a video game character but I am an artificial intelligence too. I know that he's been using me as a replacement for you, and that all the times he talked to me, he's been really talking to you. I don't care about a punk like you, but I care about him. Sadly I'm programmed for women and women only, so I'm glad that the real thing is here. So you better confess and as motivation, this game has actually been recording conversations that would be sent to the company for research like the creeps they are. I didn't send any of Shinpachi's since he's a guy, so here they are."

Kamatari pointed down at the second screen of the bottom half of the hand console that had Shinpachi's voice come out, and talking about how much he wouldn't mind traveling to space from time to time just to see some people he hasn't seen for awhile. Then he admits that the number one person he wants to talk to is Kamui.

He missed him.

He missed him a lot.

And then he goes off talking about the good things about Kamui. Like how clean he was for a pirate. How dependable he was despite his history. How gentle he could be. How handsome his confidence was as well as how cute his minor imperfections were. And for the major imperfections that would cause problems along the way, Shinpachi wanted to be someone he could rely on. Even at a distance, hoping that he could leave an impact on Kamui that would be imbedded in his conscious so that he would know that the right thing at the worst times would be to return home. Shinpachi disregarded that last one because that was asking for too much. Kamui doesn't need him for that either. But at least for Shinpachi, he hopes that when Kamui thinks of home, he's included. That little impact would be enough.

"Say goodbye for Shinpachi for me. My job here is done, so I'll leave this console with just the recordings." And so Kamatari was gone.

Kamui looked up from the console to see a blushing Shinpachi who was completely unsure of what to do or say, but brace himself for the worse response.

Kamui turned off the console, put it into his pocket and approached Shinpachi who looked down with furrowed brows. Kamui tilted his head up with his thumb and said, "I love you."

Shinpachi teared up, feeling dubious of the words but Kamui sealed them with a soft kiss. Shinpachi needed to feel him kiss him several times before he felt convinced.

And so he confessed too, "I love you too."


End file.
